


Coax Me Out My Low

by wouldmilexbetoomuchtoask



Series: Momentary Synergy [2]
Category: Arctic Monkeys, British Singers RPF, Indie Music RPF
Genre: But Alex wanting Miles, M/M, This is all about Jamie wanting Alex, WHATS UP it's been ages, also pretend they have accents okay, forgive me it's terribly written, i had to get my jamex feels out but i think they just intensified
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-11
Updated: 2016-02-11
Packaged: 2018-05-19 16:39:59
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,346
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5974339
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wouldmilexbetoomuchtoask/pseuds/wouldmilexbetoomuchtoask
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jamie knows this is just temporary. That Alex isn’t his. But he’s wanted this for so long he barely cares he’s being used.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Coax Me Out My Low

**Author's Note:**

> WHATS UP it's been ages! I'm sorry this took me so long, I've been crazy busy for months but I finally got around to writing two sentences a day so. yikes. here this is. 
> 
> This is the second part in a series with [Riding Through The Gloom](http://archiveofourown.org/works/4330866), the Little Illusion Machine fic I wrote last. So if you want to go refresh your memory with that first since it's been awhile thats cool, but if not that's okay too! (some of the same things happen in both fics just from different perspectives so that's the only reason I mention it)
> 
> This is all about Jamie wanting Alex but Alex wanting Miles.
> 
>  
> 
> I'm sorry for this.

**2006**

Alex’s pacing in the back room of the Wirral venue is making Jamie nervous. He’s trying to appear nonchalant, with the guitar in his hands and all. He hopes it’s working. He pretends that seeing Alex so distressed isn’t having the same effect on him.

Of course he knows why. But he wants to pretend he doesn’t.

“Ehh, mate. Calm down, yeah?” Jamie suggests. He strums the guitar in his lap to seem as uninterested in his best friend’s state as he can. Feigning innocence he adds, “ ‘s not like you haven’t done this before, Al. Wot’s got you so worked up??”

He hopes Alex doesn’t say it. He wished instantly he hadn’t asked. Alex doesn’t have time though, Jamie is saved from hearing the answer by the very lad who’s causing this.

All of the members of The Little Flames burst into the door, all sweaty from their set, the energy is radiating off of them.

The margarita in Alex’s hands comes up to his mouth and he downs the rest of it. Practically flinching, Jamie looks away instantly as he hops off the table he was sitting on. He plops down next to Matt on the settee on the other side of the room. Matt eyes him, knowing exactly the look on Jamie’s face. He silently pleads with Matt to not ask. Please, just not now. Later. Please.

Matt nods. “Yeahh!!” He yells towards the other band, trying to get the tension he feels in the room to dissipate. “How’s the crowd tonight?”

“Bloody electric mate!!” Miles screams from across the room. He makes his way over to Alex and wraps his arm around his neck. Alex practically leans into him, but he’s aware that Jamie is watching.

Dejected, Jamie has to look away once again. He can’t take it. He drowns out Alex yelling for margaritas, and Nick falling over a chair. He barely realizes he’s on stage until he has to start playing. Jame can’t help but be in his own little bubble for most of the show, brooding is one thing he’s better at than playing the guitar. Until he looks at Alex. He’s not okay. It’s too obvious. As much as it hurts he just wants Alex to be happy. He somehow pushes himself out of his self loathing to look over to Matt, to try to tell him that Alex isn’t okay. But he’s noticed too. Jamie makes his way over to the drum kit.

“Wot’s up with him, then?” Matt asks.

“Dunno…” Jamie almost flinches at his own lie. “But I could bet it’s got somethin’ to do wif a certain guitar player from t'Wirral.” Jamie suggests.

Matt smiles then. Jamie can’t decide if it’s sympathy for him or for Alex. “Ah, it all makes sense now! HEY AL!”

Alex turns around, sees that the two were talking about him. He glances over at Nick, who's standing there with his bass looking back and forth, confused. He starts over to the drum kit, and in turn, Alex joins the rest of his band.

“Wot??” Alex asks

“Yeah, wots up?? Yer not thinking of changing the setlist, are you?” Nick is still SO confused.

“Nah, nah, nowt like that.” Jamie says, relieving Nick.

“Jamie and I think Alex has something on his mind. Yer obviously preoccupied in that brain of yours! I know it’s always running, and usually I can read it pretty well. But this time, Cookie’s the one who figured you out, Turner.”

Alex’s eyes show hurt for only a millisecond, but of course Jamie is the one who catches it. “Wot??” Alex repeats himself, arms flailing in the air.

“Kane.” Is all Jamie says, and miraculously it's not as vicious as it was in his head. Alex’s cheeks turn a deep shade of red.

“I knew it!” Matt exclaims, pointing a drum stick right at Alex.

“Lads we are in THE MIDDLE OF A SET” Alex returns to the mic.

“Sorreh about that ladies and gentlemen, blame the Agile Beast.”

They finish the set, and go to the sides to wait a second for the crowd to cheer them back on for the encore. The three lads corner Alex into telling them what’s up.

“Mate, we gotta know. If it’s affecting the vibe of the shows we gotta know.” Matt put his foot down on the issue. They were going to talk about it. Now.

“Well for one, you guys were right.” Alex starts off. “And I uh, I wrote him a letter.”

“What did it say?” Nick and Jamie ask at the same time, though Nick’s inquiry was excited while Jamie’s threatened on melancholy.

“Hah, uhm, it's pretty much a love letter..” Alex turns that bright shade of red again.

“Ah, the advantages of dating a lyricist. Endless love poems.” Nick teases.

“Eh, ‘s not like that…..” Alex scratches the back of his neck. “Well, not entirely. Couldn’t have too many metaphors, meaning could be lost on him, yeah? Anyway I’m sorry about being elsewhere during our set, I doubt anyone but you guys noticed… but still. I’m just nervous. He’s most likely read it while we were playing and I just…. I just don’t wanna be rejected…”

They all clapped a hand on his shoulder or back, pulling him into a group hug.

“I’m sure it will be fine. Everything will work out.” Matt reassured his best friend, always knew exactly what to say.

“Yeah, I hope so. Let’s get back out there, I can hardly hear meself think.”

They returned to the stage, thanking the crowd for their enthusiasm. Matt started the drums for A Certain Romance and Jamie couldn’t be more relieved. He just wanted to get back to the van and go to sleep. He couldn’t wait for the night to be over.

The band made their way backstage to the dressing room with The Little Flames not too far behind. Jamie cursed the entire evening but grabbed a margarita anyway.

As everyone settled inside Miles was a bit quieter than usual. “Hey Al?”

Matt and Jamie shot each other a quick look before they all tried to not make it too obvious they were trying to listen in.

“Yeah?” Alex looked nervous.

“Fancy a smoke?” Miles gestured toward the door.

Alex glanced warily at his bandmates, gaze lingering longer on Jamie than any other. Pleading with his eyes, an apology, Jamie was sure of it. Jamie didn’t need it though, he knew they weren’t kids anymore, knew things couldn’t last forever.

As soon as Miles and Alex were out of the room, Matt and Nick turned their attention to Jamie.

“Ehh, I don’t want to talk about it so don’t even try, lads.” Jamie said as he stood up, waving his hands in front of his face. He went over to the liquor, despairingly poured two tequila shots and downed them quickly.

He looked back at his friends. “I’ll be in the van.”

 

**1999**

Jamie moves the curtains to peek out the window. It's just past sunset, he can barely make out the houses across the street. The porch light illuminates the snowflakes falling, blanketing his Sheffield neighborhood in sparkly white. He turns back into his house, extended family sipping tea by the fire.

Quietly, he slips his jacket on and opens the front door. Sticking his head out, he can see his next door neighbor's porch light is on as well. He shuffles out, making sure not to lock the door behind him. Jamie makes his way through the snow on the ground, already above his ankles.

He gets halfway to his neighbor's house when he realizes there's someone on the front porch. Jamie picks up his pace, and finally he's noticed.

Alex hears the footsteps and stands up to see who it is. The smile that spreads across his face is one that Jamie never wants to forget. The warm glow of the porchlight illuminates his features, long eyelashes playing over strong cheekbones, fluffy hair casting shadows. Jamie’s never known a more beautiful sight.

“Merry Christmas, Al” Jamie huffs as he makes his way up the walk, his breath producing fog in the chilly night air.

Alex blushes. “Merry Christmas, Cookie. Shouldn’t you be with your family?”

“Shouldn’t you be with yours?” Jamie smiles “Just snuck out to give you this, me mom knows it's only a short walk.” He produces a small box from the inside pocket of his jacket.

Alex notices the gift in Jamie’s hands and looks up to his eyes. “Stay here.” Alex says quietly and disappears into the house. He reappears a minute later with a box similar in size, and they shyly exchange gifts.

“You know how I feel about opening presents in front of people…”

Jamie only hums in response, putting this new box back into the jacket pocket.

Alex sits back down and Jamie joins him. They don't say anything, only watch the snow slowly fall in each other's company. Jamie should be cold out in this winter night, but he's burning up. He doesn't know how long they sit together for, but he would be content to stay forever watching the snow silently envelop the town. Alex has the talent to make time stand still, at least in Jamie's eyes. He knows the younger lad is always in his own mind, and he has that same effect on Jamie. Eventually they're pulled out of their dreamy silence by Alex's relatives shuffling around inside.

Alex stands just under the porch light. His eyelashes making shadows dance down his cheekbones, Jamie doesn’t realize he’s staring until it’s too late. Alex is already blushing and fluffing his already fluffy hair as a nervous distraction.

He noticeably shivers in the crisp, winter air. Jamie’s hands come up to Alex’s arms to try to warm him without even thinking about it. He runs his hands quickly up and down his arms until he looks into Alex’s dark eyes. Alex is staring at him intently like he’s trying to figure him out. He can see the cogs turning in his mind, his eyes searching Jamie’s face, tongue peeking out to wet his lips.

“Thanks for the gift, Cookie” Alex nearly whispers with a shy smile. Jamie only nods, somehow unable to do anything else.

Alex takes a step forward and Jamie’s heart is on the brink of beating out of his chest. He’s not sure if he’s reading too much into the situation or not.

“Merry Christmas” Alex offers under his breath as he reaches his arms around Jamie’s waist, bringing his face as close as possible without touching.

Jamie should have known he’d have to close the deal. He closes his eyes and moves his lips against Alex's. They're chapped but soft, playing a small smile when Jamie brings his hands to his face.

First kisses are notoriously fireworks and loud thoughts, but this is something entirely different. The world falls away for those few seconds. Alex's warm breath against his cheek and the soft pressure of his lips are the only things Jamie wants to feel for the rest of his life. The warm light he can see through his eyelids casts a warm hazy blush color to everything he will remember about this moment. They pull away, Jamie's hands still on Alex's cheeks. He runs his thumb back and forth across his cheekbone. Snow has gathered in his hair and even on his eyelashes and he looks ethereal as he smiles up at Jamie like it's the first time he's ever seen him.

Jamie's sure his face is the color of pomegranate, but smiles back because he can't remember ever feeling this happy. Alex moves toward the door, trying to hide his blush and a smile that's threatening to take over his entire face. Turning back before he shuts it, he looks to Jamie.

“Goodnight, Cookie.”

And with that, the door is shut and Jamie is left to himself in the winter wonderland.

 

**2009**

Something about the desert keeps Jamie up at night. The moon casts long shadows over the ceiling of his room in the old house the band is staying in. It creeks in the midnight wind and Jamie finds himself tracing the lines across the walls with his eyes, over and over. He’s trying not to think about anything. Not about the album they’re currently recording. Not about how different the time zones in California are. Not about how oddly cold it gets at night. Not about Alex in the next room over. _Especially_ not Alex.

Everything always brings itself back to Alex. Jamie can’t help it. His new longer hair, the way he’s grown but still has those huge dark eyes that Jamie loves so much. His slender frame more graceful than ever. Jamie has had to keep himself from staring more times than he can count.

He shuffles around in bed a bit, feeling impossibly uncomfortable. On the verge of going into the kitchen for water, he hears shuffling next door as well. Jamie freezes, knowing in this old house everything is heard through these walls. He can’t quite make out what’s happening and he hates that he can eavesdrop. Curiosity gets the better of him though, and he reluctantly makes his way over to the wall shared with Alex’s room. Gently putting his ear to the wall, he can hear it now. Alex is sniffling, most likely crying into a pillow so he doesn’t make much noise.

Jamie’s heart breaks instantly. They’ve only been in the desert for a couple days now, but Jamie could sense something was off with Alex. They barely had a chance to talk alone and when they had Jamie had taken the opportunity to try to cheer Alex up instead of bringing him back down with inquiries of his mood.

He wants to hold Alex, to let him know it’s going to be okay. He thinks about going to knock on Alex’s door, but doesn’t. He probably wouldn’t answer anyway. Above even his own happiness he just wants Alex to be happy. He ultimately doesn’t care how. Jamie suddenly feels sick at the thought that anyone would make Alex feel like this.

Leaving the bedroom quietly for a glass of water, he tries not to make a sound. But he has to pass Alex’s door on the way. He lingers briefly, before making his way over to the cabinet for a glass. Over at the sink he takes a minute to collect himself, his hands supporting himself as he hangs his head. He can’t do this again. He can’t be fully consumed. They have a record to write. It would be such a distraction. But would it be an unwelcome one? His thoughts are too conflicting, always back and forth, never settling. Sighing, Jamie turns the faucet on. He turns to lean back against the counter once the glass is full to stare out the window. The moon has silhouetted the landscape in such a beautiful way, but something to the hallway on the left catches his eye.

It’s Alex. Peeking out the door he has open only a sliver. Jamie wonders how long he’s been there. But it doesn’t matter now. Alex slips through the door and closes it behind him without a sound. For a moment Alex just stands there, leaning against the door. Jamie isn’t sure whether he should go to him, say something, do something. Before he can make up his mind Alex is moving towards him, not even trying to hide that he had been crying. His long hair matted to his face, clothes a wrinkled mess, he doesn’t look phased in revealing his current state to Jamie. Eyes red and puffy and face wet with tears, he doesn’t even say anything. Just falls into an embrace. Alex’s arms go around Jamie’s waist so Jamie extends his arm around Alex’s shoulders and strokes his hair with his other hand. His body shudders, evidently still sobbing. Jamie’s heart breaks all over again, and holds his best friend tighter.

“Shh, Al. It’s okay. I’ve got you.” His words just make Alex cry harder.

**\-----**

A few days later proves to be one of the longest days yet in the studio for the entire band. Having dedicated the morning to drums and bass, it was now after lunch and everyone was huddled around as Alex stepped into the box to lay down the vocals. Everyone was there: Helders, Cookie, O’malley, and Homme. Alex hadn’t even let anyone in on what he was about to sing. He had put the finishing touches on this particular song, My Propeller, in the past few days.

Homme was sat at the control panel with Helders next to him fiddling with some buttons. O’malley was lounging on a settee against the wall, but Jamie chose to stand so he could get a view of Alex singing. He’d never tell him but he loved to watch him record. He was so passionate about his words, always worried about conveying himself correctly. He always admired that about Alex as it was something he himself lacked.

“ _If you can summon the strength tow me_  
_I can't hold down the urgency..._ ”

As Alex started singing Jamie’s eyes were on the floor. He slowly looked up only to find Alex’s piercing stare before closing his eyes to sing the rest.

**\-----**

Later that evening, Jamie finds himself alone in the studio with Alex. All the other lads had gone back to the house, leaving Alex and Jamie to put some finishing tweaks on the guitar parts of the song.

Jamie is sitting on the settee with his guitar in his lap and Alex is sitting on the coffee table directly in front of him, also with his guitar. Their knees are almost touching and Jamie can’t think straight.

“Okay Cookie, that tweak at the end you mentioned earlier? Let’s play through and add that bit in, yeah?”

Jamie nods in response. They start playing and Alex hums the words under his breath. Jamie was already distracted, being alone with Alex is enough distraction by itself, but now Alex was verging on something else entirely. His hair was falling in his eyes, his adam’s apple bobbing up and down as he hummed and sang softly. Jamie’s heart was racing. Distracted, he forgot to play the new part they talked about. Alex looked up, confused only to find Jamie staring. It was too late to look away but he did anyway, cheeks taking on a rogue even deeper than usual.

“Sorreh..” Is all Jamie can muster. He sets his guitar to the side, deciding they need to talk. He’s too distracted. They hadn’t said a word about the other night in the kitchen. Jamie wanted to but there hadn’t been a chance.

“It’s alright, Jamie.” Alex takes his cue and sets the guitar down.

Jamie knows Alex senses they’re about to have a talk, and he wished Alex was one to start conversations like this. But he knows it will all fall to him. He doesn’t even know where to start.

“I.. eh... “ Jamie shakes his head, unable to put his feelings into words. “I just want to make sure you’re okay.”

Alex’s eyes cast down to the floor for a moment, unsure of what to say. Jamie watches him until he whispers “You wouldn’t want to hear about it..”

“Alex, I just want you to be okay. To be happy. If you want or need to talk about it, you know I’m always here for you. I’ll always be here for you.”

He smiles, and pushes the hair out of his eyes. “Okay.. I don’t even know where to start.”

“Just don’t think about it so much. It’s just me. No one else is here.”

He takes a moment until answering. “I got a letter from Miles. I sat with it in me flat for a few days before calling him about it. Was the night before I got on the plane to come out here.”

Jamie lets Alex pause without saying anything, he knows how Alex’s mind works.

“It were an ultimatum. I…” Alex puts his head in his hands for a moment until pulling them down his face. “I didn’t choose him.” he admits, shaking his head in disbelief. “He said it were him or her and I…” Alex started to cry again, but he didn’t need to go on. Jamie got the jist.

“Come ‘ere” Jamie pulled Alex off the table down onto his lap on the settee. Curling into the older lad, Alex stopped crying after a while but made no moves to get up from Jamie’s lap.

**\-----**

The next day proves to be much of the same. Finishing tweaks to drums and bass mostly. Alex and Jamie were to stay late again to finally get to working on the guitar parts together. After Alex finished his vocals, he offers to run and get them some dinner. He returns with more food than the two of them could ever eat, and also margarita makings. Of course.

Jamie’s hesitant when he sees the tequila.

But he accepts one from Alex anyway.

So it starts much like the day before- Jamie on the settee, guitar in hand. Alex on the coffee table directly in front of him, guitar also in hand.

“My Propeller, from the top. And don’t forget the changes we made this time, yeah?” Alex looks expectantly at Jamie, finishing his first margarita of the evening.

Jamie only nods in response, and downs the rest of his drink too. He needs the tequila to calm his nerves. They start playing and it’s like Jamie is having déjà vu. Knees touching, Alex humming the words under his breath. His eyes are closed and doesn’t seem to feel Jamie’s stare. Thankfully he’s played through the new version a few times since last night and he does it perfectly. Alex beams at him, excited about how it all fits together.

With that song set and out of the way, Alex mixes more drinks while Jamie goes over their notes. Just little things are written down, about different changes and tweaks they wanted to make.

As Alex hands him his next drink his fingers linger on Jamie’s for a second, just enough to bring his attention up from the notes. Alex is already pretending like it didn’t happen, sitting back down on the coffee table. Jamie searches his face, trying to read into anything. He knows what Alex is doing. Getting drunk to not feel anything, and who better to do that with than Jamie? _Stand your ground Jamie_ , he silently pleads with himself, _not like this. You know it shouldn’t be like this..._

“Right, wots next Cookie?”

Jamie searches the pages of notes, trying to regain his concentration. “Ehh, Crying Lightning?”

Alex nods and starts to tune the strings of his guitar a bit. They play through a handful of songs, drinking as many margaritas. Alex slowly scooches forward after making drinks every time, even moving the coffee table closer to the settee sneakily while Jamie wasn’t looking. As their legs get closer, knees going in between each other’s legs, Jamie’s heart rate increases. He knows Alex’s game, but he doesn’t want to play. Jamie sits back on the settee, trying to escape Alex’s sly grasp. Alex is giggling for the first time in days and Jamie can’t bear to break that now. So he sits back and hopes Alex doesn’t notice.

It works for a little while, but Jamie knows it’s in vain.

Alex is eventually sitting with his knees right up against the settee, unable to be any closer. Jamie’s leaning back, but hasn’t gone so far as to remove Alex’s knee from in between his. Yet.

That is until Alex leans forward, getting up from the coffee table and setting his guitar aside. But instead of going to make more drinks, he lets his knees drop down to the settee, one on the outside of Jamie’s thigh and the other in the middle. Jamie tenses, but would be lying if he said his jeans didn’t get a bit tighter. Images flash in his head, thoughts of Alex straddling him on this settee, Jamie’s fingers slipping through long chestnut curls, Alex’s breath on his neck…...

But they can’t. Alex knows what Jamie wants, has always wanted. But not like this. Not while Alex is a mess about Kane and drunk just to forget. Just to not feel anything at all. But that’s the irony, Jamie wants to feel everything.

It’s all too much and even though all he wants to do is grab roughly on the slim hips in his face to bring them down onto him, he does the opposite and pushes the younger lad aside.

Jamie could see Alex’s demeanor switch immediately.

“So wot, all of a sudden you’re too good for me?” Alex spits venom in his words, drunk and hurt, he’s looking for a fight now.

“Like you’ve been for the past three years?” Jamie dishes it back, fed up with Alex’s actions, the push and pull of their entire friendship. Relationship? Who the hell knows. Jamie doesn’t.

“Oh give that the fuck up Cookie, we’re not kids anymore!”

“Yeah we sure as hell aren’t! The kid I knew, the Alex I grew up with, would NEVER treat his friends like his. You’re me other half, then kick me to the curb when someone new strolls along! You ignore me, push me to the fucking side, and for wot? To be your play thing when they don’t want you anymore? Well fuck you, Alex. I don’t deserve this. Not this time.”

“And I’m sure Katie would _love_ this, wouldn’t she? Finally being her man’s number one?” Alex says it just to get more of a rise out of him. But immediately regrets it, as Jamie flies across the studio to shove Alex against the wall.

“You have no idea wot you’re on about, Turner.”

“Mmm? Seems as though I’ve struck a cord.” Alex’s smug reply is in part because of the adrenaline rushing through his veins, but also the alcohol. That and the fact he knows there’s truth to it.

“And wot of Alexa? Fuck you Al, this isn’t about them. This is about you. And about me.” He takes a step back to put space between Alex and himself. “All you do is get fucked up to forget. The tequila, the E, the coke. And you string people along, using them as you see fit and throwing them away. At least I have the decency to fucking tell you when I’m done.”

“Done?” Alex moves fast, flips Jamie around to push him against the wall, but he stays close, all in Jamie’s space. “You didn’t seem done yesterday, when you couldn’t play because you couldn’t take yer eyes off me. Or when I were recording those lyrics, yeah? Always did like to watch me, didn’t you, James.”

Jamie growled under his breath, tried to get out of Alex’s trap against the wall, but failed. Alex shoved him back with both hands on his shoulders and a thigh tight between Jamie’s legs.

“And wot have we here….?” Alex smirks, finding Jamie still half hard from his thoughts on the settee.

Jamie moves then, pushing Alex back to the settee and moving on top of him with a hand to Alex’s throat. Alex whimpers at the action.

“Fuck you, Alex.” Jamie says lowly into his ear, fingers tightening their grasp on the singers throat. “You don't get to call the shots this time.”

A moan is strangled in Alex’s throat as Jamie moves his hips down against Alex’s. He knows he shouldn’t give in to Alex. But he can’t help it. Jamie knows this is just temporary. That Alex isn’t his. But he’s wanted this for so long he barely cares he’s being used.

It’s a frenzy of clothes strewn across the studio, long hair and limbs everywhere.

Alex is a mess, moaning loud and hot against Jamie’s neck. Hair sticking to his forehead, Jamie moves it aside as he moves into him. Alex’s eyes are shut tight, bottom lip caught between his teeth.

He grabs hold of Alex’s jaw and it takes the singer by surprise. He opens his eyes, and suddenly all he can see is blue, crystal clear blue and hot flushed cheeks. His hands travel up through the blonde hair on Jamie’s chest and he lets out a ragged “ _Jameh…_ ” before latching their lips together.

Jamie would be lying if he said that had not fueled his fire. The burning desire he’s had for Alex for years, finally brought to fruition. He’s fast, rough, and Alex is a begging mess eating it all up. Hair tugging, Alex’s neck seldom left alone, and he’s still begging for Jamie to fuck him harder, faster, “ _make it hurt…_ ”

Jamie’s calloused hands move over the smooth skin of Alex’s body and Jamie revels in every second of it. His cock pounding into Alex’s prostate makes the younger man writhe and Jamie knows it won’t be long now. He gets a hand on Alex’s cock and tugs, thumb spreading the mess of precum there smoothly up and down. Alex is all high pitched whines while Jamie drops his head to the crook of Alex’s neck and grunts. Alex’s eyes roll back and his hands come up to Jamie’s hair, pulling and not stopping until he’s come hot over both of their stomachs. Jamie finishes directly after, spent and collapses over Alex before pulling out.

They don’t say anything at first, until Alex surprisingly speaks up.

“I’m sorreh.”

Jamie looks at him like he’s crazy, but he knows what he means. He’s sorry this happened, sorry it can’t happen every second of every day just as Jamie wants. Sorry that he used him to forget, used him to feel better. He’s sorry for everything. And Jamie knows that.

“Al… don’t apologize.”

“But Ja-” Jamie cuts him off.

“I don’t want to hear it, ok? Don’t ruin it. And stop being awkward about it.” Jamie smiles at Alex, genuinely happy given the situation.

Alex nods and smiles back, just as genuine. He shyly tucks his hair behind one of his ears as Jamie throws him his shirt. They get dressed and joke around, straightening up the studio so it’s ready to jump right back into recording in the morning.

As Jamie moves towards the door to leave he pauses and looks back to Alex, still in the studio. Jamie hesitates, but says it anyway:

“You know you’ll always be my number one.”

 

**2012**

Jamie should have known. He shouldn’t have gotten his hopes up throughout the years. The rollercoaster of emotions that comes from none other than Alex Turner himself roars through Jamie’s world time and time again.

But he’s done.

Really, he is.

He has Katie. He’s always had Katie. He’s always been her rock.

And same for him, right? … Right?

He stares at himself in the mirror before going out on stage. He splashes cold water up onto his face, hands pulling down his cheeks as he literally can’t believe he’s still caught up in this. In him.

They’re in Paris. Of-fucking-course. He’s fine, he really is. He’s doing the best job he’s ever seen anyone do at bottling up their feelings and throwing them into the English Channel. Never to be found again.

He can see the lie in his eyes but he’s not sure anyone else can anymore. It’s been that way for so long, that’s just how it is…

He’s not jealous. He’s not bitter towards the lanky Scouser. They’re friends. It’s not his fault. It’s no one’s fault. He’s come to terms with it all.

Out on stage, he knows it’s coming. They play through the set and he dreads it. _Act cool, it’s fine, everythings fine…._

Alex slicks back his hair and his voice rings out through the venue.

“I’ll tell you wot I love Paris……”

Jamie cringes. Everything’s _not_ fine.

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! It really means a lot.
> 
> Find me on tumblr [@wouldmilexbetoomuchtoask](http://wouldmilexbetoomuchtoask.tumblr.com/)!


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